1989 11/25:
Grounding and Running energy exercise. Invoked the essence of "Wisdom". Went to sanctuary. Walked with Andrew to my wooded spring and its fountain. Andrew told me that I "carry my 'shiny' suit of charisma in a hobo's bag that's slung over my shoulder." He explained that by having it "behind" me, I do not make charisma a part of me to show to others. Instead I wear an outfit of ragged, tattered, soiled clothes, and I ask all to pity me.
"Here and now", I was directed to shed these rags and "unfold" my suit of charisma. I could see it there; laying on the ground all golden, and shiny, and neat.
The ritual I was instructed to perform was this: I was to imagine "that feeling of accomplishment" that I felt, when earlier today, I had completed the tool rack project I had been working on for days, out in the garage. I was told to "catch" that feeling again, and to let it "swarm" once again, "here and now", within me. Next, I was to take off my "feel-sorry-for-me" clothes, one piece at a time. I was supposed to feel the shedding - the baring of my soul to God. I stood naked beside the fountain spring for a time, as Andrew lifted his hand and made me witness a divine light coming down upon me from God, showering me with His Love and reflecting what was to be "self love" within this light.
Next, I was instructed to dress myself with my (new looking) charisma suit - feeling myself place it upon me. God's light gave me a sensation of "welding" this suit to my being. It wasn't any tighter than just enough to impress upon me that this was me. I then repeated out loud ten times, "God! I love myself!" But this was not recited in the context of any narcissistic self pleasure. I was saying it to convince myself that it was indeed, true.
As the light ray upon me disappeared, Andrew kept reinforcing upon me, that now I had real proof that I am a better person - that I'm "special" because God shined this light on me, and that we had performed this ritual together. I began to visualize Andrew standing in front of me again, and I was wearing my suit in his presence. He invited me to drink of the spring, and so I laid face first, into the pool. After awhile of floating in this very comfortable buoyancy, I said, "it felt good", but Andrew immediately interjected, correcting me with, " 'I' ... feel good".
I had to reflect on his voice for a moment, thinking "wasn't that what I said?"; but in realizing that it was not, I went ahead and repeated the words my spirit guide used: "... I feel good..." I repeated it to myself once more.
Kneeling then, I cupped my hands and took a drink. I felt the refreshing water go down. When we began to leave the woodland, Andrew picked up the remains of my tattered bundle, saying, "This burden I shall carry, and it will be disposed of." Walking out of the wood, we approached the stone seat at the intersecting paths. Here I knelt and prayed a prayer of thanks to God for being as great and generous as he was. We then turned into a direction away from the gazebo, and suddenly I was viewing the familiar "Channel of the Universe", out there, beyond the cliff edge.
I was instructed to toss my old clothes out into the area before me, where they would be recycled into better things. After Andrew handed me the soiled bundle, I gave them a big toss. I watched them sail away from my outreached arms, and I watched the bundle open up into the clutter of objects that it was. I watched them fly out over the precipice and in an immediate upward burst of light, I watched them disintegrate into nothing but sparkling colors in a pale blue sky. We turned and walked back to the gazebo, stopping briefly at the cranberry bush. Once here, the cherubs flew out encircling me and they began to show a new color of lemon yellow. I was told that this color meant "success".
We parted at the gazebo where Andrew reminded me to face myself and trust myself, and that I was good. We hugged one short time and it wasn't enough, so I hugged him again, longer, feeling the warmth and kindness of an age old friendship. MY assignment now, is to look in the mirror each day before I start anything and exclaim with a smile, "God! I Love myself!" - and to mean it.
Grounding and Running energy exercise. Invoked the essence of "Wisdom". Went to sanctuary. Walked with Andrew to my wooded spring and its fountain. Andrew told me that I "carry my 'shiny' suit of charisma in a hobo's bag that's slung over my shoulder." He explained that by having it "behind" me, I do not make charisma a part of me to show to others. Instead I wear an outfit of ragged, tattered, soiled clothes, and I ask all to pity me.
"Here and now", I was directed to shed these rags and "unfold" my suit of charisma. I could see it there; laying on the ground all golden, and shiny, and neat.
The ritual I was instructed to perform was this: I was to imagine "that feeling of accomplishment" that I felt, when earlier today, I had completed the tool rack project I had been working on for days, out in the garage. I was told to "catch" that feeling again, and to let it "swarm" once again, "here and now", within me. Next, I was to take off my "feel-sorry-for-me" clothes, one piece at a time. I was supposed to feel the shedding - the baring of my soul to God. I stood naked beside the fountain spring for a time, as Andrew lifted his hand and made me witness a divine light coming down upon me from God, showering me with His Love and reflecting what was to be "self love" within this light.
Next, I was instructed to dress myself with my (new looking) charisma suit - feeling myself place it upon me. God's light gave me a sensation of "welding" this suit to my being. It wasn't any tighter than just enough to impress upon me that this was me. I then repeated out loud ten times, "God! I love myself!" But this was not recited in the context of any narcissistic self pleasure. I was saying it to convince myself that it was indeed, true.
As the light ray upon me disappeared, Andrew kept reinforcing upon me, that now I had real proof that I am a better person - that I'm "special" because God shined this light on me, and that we had performed this ritual together. I began to visualize Andrew standing in front of me again, and I was wearing my suit in his presence. He invited me to drink of the spring, and so I laid face first, into the pool. After awhile of floating in this very comfortable buoyancy, I said, "it felt good", but Andrew immediately interjected, correcting me with, " 'I' ... feel good".
I had to reflect on his voice for a moment, thinking "wasn't that what I said?"; but in realizing that it was not, I went ahead and repeated the words my spirit guide used: "... I feel good..." I repeated it to myself once more.
Kneeling then, I cupped my hands and took a drink. I felt the refreshing water go down. When we began to leave the woodland, Andrew picked up the remains of my tattered bundle, saying, "This burden I shall carry, and it will be disposed of." Walking out of the wood, we approached the stone seat at the intersecting paths. Here I knelt and prayed a prayer of thanks to God for being as great and generous as he was. We then turned into a direction away from the gazebo, and suddenly I was viewing the familiar "Channel of the Universe", out there, beyond the cliff edge.
I was instructed to toss my old clothes out into the area before me, where they would be recycled into better things. After Andrew handed me the soiled bundle, I gave them a big toss. I watched them sail away from my outreached arms, and I watched the bundle open up into the clutter of objects that it was. I watched them fly out over the precipice and in an immediate upward burst of light, I watched them disintegrate into nothing but sparkling colors in a pale blue sky. We turned and walked back to the gazebo, stopping briefly at the cranberry bush. Once here, the cherubs flew out encircling me and they began to show a new color of lemon yellow. I was told that this color meant "success".
We parted at the gazebo where Andrew reminded me to face myself and trust myself, and that I was good. We hugged one short time and it wasn't enough, so I hugged him again, longer, feeling the warmth and kindness of an age old friendship. MY assignment now, is to look in the mirror each day before I start anything and exclaim with a smile, "God! I Love myself!" - and to mean it.